The Legend of Link
by Zana Moon
Summary: Princess Zelda is done being the damsel in distress. This time, it's her turn to have the adventure. Only, can she handle it? Especially when things keep getting weirder and weirder by the minute?
1. Prolouge

**---The Legend of Link---**

A/N: Don't let the title confuse you. I'm currently not sure how long this will be, but it's definitely going for at least three chapters, if not more. Also, this doesn't take place in any particular game of the franchise. Just the 'Legend of Zelda in general' setting. This will be one of my better fics, I hope. If not, then you have my permission to throw rocks and other hard things in my direction. **Disclaimer:** I do not own TheLegend of Zelda, its characters, trademarks, rights, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. You catch my drift.

**--------------------------------------------**

**Prologue-**

Lightning split the sky, momentarily lighting the dark, dank tower room. But the light went as quickly as it came, returning the room to an almost complete darkness if had not been for the tiny, flickering candle propped up against the corner wall. A girl peered out the glass-less window and out to the barren wasteland below. It was an vast, ragged, and frightening area, deprived of plants, animals, people, or anything living for that matter. The fortress was the only thing around for miles. The girl looked at the angry storm, which had continued to ravage the land for the for the entire time she had been here, and shook her head.

"Location, location, location." She said, rolling her eyes. "Always chosing the most dreary, most lifeless, and most obvious places for their "secret" hideouts, these stupid evil villians." She rest her arms on the window sill and leaned out. "As if this would be the last place he would look. Really, you'd think Ganendorf would know better by now." She pulled back into the room and went to lay down on the bed. (Which was actually a hard, wooden bench jutting from the wall.) Staring at the stone ceiling, she sighed.

_ You'd think I would know better by now_, she thought, _Getting captured like this, for umpteenth-millionth time. By Ganendorf, no less. It's pathetic. _She rolled over on her side. _And repetitive. He needs a new plan, Ganendorf. Capture princess, terrorlize all of Hyrule, kill Link and get his Triforce piece, become all-powerful and take over the world. Of course, Link always prevails, rescues me, defeats Ganendorf, and saves the kingdom. Which is all fine and dandy, but...it's my kingdom. I mean, it's his kingdom too, but I'm its princess. It's my responsibility to take care of it. Yet here I am, trapped in a tower once again, waiting to be rescued. Wonder why Ganendorf never kills me straight-off. He's probably too stupid to think of how much trouble it save him. Not that I should complain. _

She turned over and stared at the ceiling again. _Why do I have to be rescued anyway? I could probably rescue myself if I tried hard enough. I do not need Link rushing to my aid all the time. Not that I don't appreciate it, though. _She strecthed her arms out and folded them behind her head, as a sort of make-shift pillow. _Link really is a nice guy and I really do like him. He's so chivarlous, battling bad guys and saving the kingdom all the time. And I just love that cute, pointy hat of his. _She half-chuckled, half-yawned. _But I wish there was something I could do, for once. I've helped out before, but that's nothing compared to what Link does while I'm being captured by evil mainacs and the like. I'm so tired of being the damsel-in-distress. _

Princess Zelda of Hyrule then made a decision. No longer would she be the helpless hostage, awaiting for Link to come to her rescue. Things were going to change.

Only a lot more than Zelda would have ever imagined...

_Prologue Fin

* * *

_

A/N: And that is the begining of a very strange adventure! Boring, I know, but things will get better, I promise. The title happend to be the starting point for all of this, believe it or not. I was thinking about it, how the games are called The Legend of Zelda when it mainly revovles around Link. Link does more adventurous-legend stuff, so why wasn't it The Legend of Link? I still don't know, but I figured, "If The Legend of Zelda has Link as the main character, then The Legend of Link would have to have Zelda has the main character." And you can probably tell where it's all going from there. ;) 


	2. The Great Baka Tree

**---Chapter One---The Great Baka Tree---**

"Hey... Zelda..."

"Z..z..z..."

"HEY!"

Zelda groaned and sat up, rubbing her half-opened eyes with a yawn. Something was buzzing by her head; a small, blue glowing-thing with wings. Having just woken up, Zelda was a little grouchy and so swatted at the fairy which had interupted her peaceful sleep. "Go away you stupid fly! Shoo!" She waved her hand at it and succeeded in hitting her target. The little thing made a funny noise that sounded somewhat like an "Eeeek!" and flew away, far off into the distance until it was out of sight. Zelda felt a little guilty about hitting it, now that she was more fully awake, but told herself that the fairy shouldn't have yelled in her ear in the first place. She wondered how it knew her name.

Then she wondered why a fairy was even there. (Or was there, before she scared it off.) Ganendorf's evil fortress was not a place fairies usually hung out at. No, they were mostly found in bottles, magical caves, fountains, or...

An enchanted forest.

Which is exactly where Zelda found herself now. A bright, lively enchanted forest, with birds singing happily in the trees and flowers blooming in any available spot. Not a single stone tower or monster-filled dungeon in sight. She blinked, taking in her new surroundings with a strange mix of confusion and understanding. Confusion because she didn't know how the heck she got here, and understanding because, despite the confusion, it somehow felt right. Like she was _supposed _to be here. But that didn't make any sense. She was supposed to be in an evil fortress, not an enchanted forest. Or was she? Part of her was saying something wasn't right here, and the other part was insisting that everything was how it should be.

Muddled as she was, what Zelda noticed next was a real shocker:

She was wearing Link's clothes.

Well, not _exactly _his clothes. For one thing, her outfit was still pink, not green. Plus the boots were longer, going almost up to her knees. And for a second, she thought she wasn't wearing any pants. Fortunately, she discovered that she was indeed wearing pants, or rather shorts, but the pink tunic was so long that it nearly covered them up. Said pink tunic was belted with a red belt, and a white cotton shift was shown to be underneath through the v-neck collar. Her long, golden hair was still long and golden, but pulled back into a messy ponytail. (It was strange, having it pulled back, but she decided she liked having her hair out of her face.) Instead of long, dainty silk gloves, she wore brown-leather, fingerless gloves. And, she realized with sudden glee, there was a cute, pointy hat securely placed ontop her head. Just like Link's. So anyways, it wasn't _actually _his clothes but it was certainly in his style. Just pink and more femmine. Along with this outfit was burlap pouch and a simple, unsheathed sword hanging from her belt. There was also a wooden bow and two dozen or so arrows slung over her back.

"Okaaay, this is different." She said to herself. It took a few minutes for all of it to sink in. Zelda couldn't, not for the life of her, figure out what had happend. She vaguely recalled wanting things to change, but this was not exactly what she had in mind. She stood there, pondering.

_What to do? What to do?_ She thought.

_Whoa duh_, the sure-of-this part of her answered, _The forest spirit! _

_Oh yeah_, she nodded, _I have to go and meet the forest spirit to ask where that treasure is. But wait...how did I...? No, this isn't right. _

_No, this _is _right_, the other part of her said, _I need that treasure to save Hyrule and Prince Link from cluthces of the malevolent Ganendorf._

She frowned. _Wha..._Prince _Link! But _I'm _the princess of Hyrule! Aren't I? Or...no, maybe not. Because I'm the one who has to rescue Prince Link and protect Hyrule from evil. Yeah, that's right. Wait, no it isn't. But then again, it is. Alright something's way off here..._

Rather than stand there and mentally argue with herself, Zelda finally decided to go and see this forest spirit. She could think of nothing else to do right now. So far, the only thing she could tell from all this was that something had happend to her, happend to her very world, and things had switched. Link was the prince of Hyrule now, and apparently Zelda was the hero. Part of her knew this wasn't the normal way things were but the other half of her wouldn't believe anything else. "Great, now I'm schizophrenic." She muttered, heading off into the heart of the forest. "But I got what I wanted, didn't I? S'pose I might as well enjoy it..."

-----

"Ah, Zelda, you have finally arrived. So good to meet you, at last."

She wasn't sure which was more unnerving; the fact that she was looking at a gaint, talking tree complete with eyes, mouth, and nose, or the fact that everything in this freaky forest already knew her name. After taking a deep breath, she assured herself that neither of the two were really that uncommon, not now that she was in Link's role.

"I'm sorry," She said to the forest spirit, "But which one are you again? The Deku Tree, the Maku Tree...?"

"I am the Great Baka Tree!" boomed the spirit. Zelda couldn't stop the smirk spreading on her face. "Yes, I know, it is a lovely name, isn't it?" He said with pride.

"Very lovely." Zelda agreed with a grin.

"Right then, back to business, eh? You come to seek the legendary treasure, do you not?"

It wasn't as strange as she thought it be, having a conversation with a tree. Although she couldn't look directly at him while he talked. It was just too weird, seeing those wooden eyes watch her and that hollow hole move up and down as he spoke. She gazed at his leaf-covered branches instead.

"Yes. The treasure will help with my struggle to save the kingdom." _Even though I don't have a clue on what it is._ "I was told that you would be able to tell me where to find it." _I was?_ "So, please Great Baka Tree, if there's anything you know..."

"Of course, of course, " the old tree said, "I would to love to help you out, Hero Zelda. But there is something keeping me busy at the moment, and I will not be able to aid you in your quest until it's taken care of. I'm afraid it might be some time too, unless...unless, if it isn't too much to ask, you could do a little something for me?"

_Should have seen that one coming._ "Uh, sure. What is it that you need me to do?"

"Well, there are these foul creatures plotting against me." He told her, obiviously relieved that she so easily agreed to help him. "They want to kill me, they do, and being a tree, there isn't much I can do to stop them. So, you see, I need you..."

"To take them down." Zelda finished. "Sure thing, Baka Tree. Shouldn't be too hard." Her reasoning for this was: Link does it all the time. So no problem, right? Just battle off some monsters. A deranged weed-creature of some type, or perhaps a couple of gaint termites...

----

"_Goblin lumberjacks? _I have to save the forest spirit from a band of _goblin lumberjacks?_ This has to be a joke. Goblin lumberjacks. Oh my Din, he has to be kidding me!"

Her first heroic battle was supposed to be against something a little more...challenging. Zelda wasn't hoping for a man-eating dragon or anything on that level, but surely there was something more serious for her to fight than a bunch of short, green guys who's job it was to cut down trees.

But to an enchanted tree, with the highly possible risk of being one of those trees they cut down (since enchanted wood made better bridges and buildings than normal, unenchanted wood did), lumberjacks _were _serious. Zelda tried to put it in that perspective and it worked. _The Great Baka Tree is in trouble and needs help,_ she thought, _so it's all up to me to save him! I can't let him down!_ It felt good, to have the chance to save someone for once. It also brought along a lot of pessure. Zelda couldn't fail, or that poor enchanted tree would lose his life and it would be all her fault. And, if the tree was cut down, who would tell her where the legendary treasure was? "Not that that's more important." She claimed.

Upon coming to a big, square-shaped boulder, Zelda veered off to the left, just as the Great Baka Tree had instructed. "And the goblin camp should just up ahead." She recited, already searching the surrounding forest for any sign of them. Nothing. She walked farther along, then searched again. Still nothing. She paused and scratched her head, wondering if she went on too far and passed them up. But no, this was the area the Baka Tree had said, with 101 percentconfidence, that the goblin lumberjacks' camp would be. So why didn't she see any goblin lumberjacks?

"Yoo-hoo! Goblins?" She called, looking in bushes and up trees. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" She flipped over a rock. No goblins. She sighed and got up, shaking her head in dismay. "Maybe it _was _joke afterall. Maybe I'm being Punk'd or- AHH!" Zelda yelped and stumbled backwards, a flying hatchet just barely missing her head by sheer centimeters. Pulling her sword out, she turned around quickly to see who threw the would-be instrument of death. (Or instrument of severe-head-cut-that-would-require-stitches.)

And it was none other than a goblin lumberjack, looking very miffed, even while wearing a plaid shirt and over-all jeans. He had another hatchet in his hands, only this one was big enough to be considered an axe, and the little green guy waved it angerily. "YO SHOODA EEKZELAGIFH!" He cried, and instantly more goblin lumberjacks appeared behind him, all dress in a similar fashion and weilding an ax and/or saw. Zelda gulped. There were a lot of armed goblin lumberjacks giving her the evil eye.

"Jerr mami googlewoogle, balbberbas?" inquired the one who threw the hatchet at her, who was apparently the leader. Luckily for Zelda, she was quite fluent in Goblin. (Who'd a thought those foreign language classes would actually pay off?) He had asked what she thought she was doing here.

"I am here to see you." She replied, not bothering to speak in Goblin since it is common knowledge that goblins automatically self-translate other languages as soon as they hear them. "I've been told that you are plotting to chop down the Great Baka Tree."

"Flippty-flop jerr gi."_(You were told true.)_ said the leader. "Hiccup jarr moolu?" _(But what's it to ya?)_

"Well, enchanted trees have feelings too, you know." She said, "Chopping them down probably hurts a lot. Definitely hurts a lot, I wager, since it kills them!"

The leader snorted. "Glibordarwezssailafhlenniknodergnoezejuequolenav?" _(So?)_

"So? So it's murder!" Zelda cried, upset that these creatures didn't even care if they killed someone. Tree or no, it was an outrage. "I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to stop you, one way or another. Surrender now and I shall spare you."

"Blah blee fegoner!" _(Yeah right!) _The gobins clamored,"Fee fie foe, pookey-cookie." _(Bring it on, girlfiriend!)_

The goblin lumberjacks rushed at Zelda. She lifted her sword and swung it towards the nearest goblin. She was sloppy with it, never having used a sword before, but she got him. Only, something went wrong. There wasn't any blood and the goblin showed no signs of pain. In fact, the litlle booger laughed at her.

She jumped back and quickly examined the sword. No wonder it didn't cut; the blade was very dull. That explained why it wasn't in a sheath. It probably wouldn't cut grass, let alone a globin. "Stupid piece of junk! What now?" The goblins were advancing, menacingly brandishing their axes and/or saws. "Okay, if I can't use the sword to cut, maybe I can use it for something else." With that, she leaped forward, raised the sword, and forcefully brought down the flat-side of the blade onto an enemy's head. There was a satisfying 'CRACK', and Zelda wondered she shattered the goblin's skull.

While in actuallity, the goblin's skull shattered her sword. He had bad headache now, but was otherwise unharmed. Zelda's shoulders slumped and she tossed the remaining hilt to the side. But she didn't falter; she reached down to her into her pouch and pulled out the first thing she grabbed: a boomerang. Without even thinking, she hurriedly threw the boomerang towards her foes. She did it right, she saw with swelling pride (since that was the first time she used a boomerang too). It whizzed straight to them.

And then it whizzed straight on by, right over their heads. Zelda may have thrown it correctly, but she failed to remember that the goblins were more than half a size shorter than she. They didn't even need to duck.

And then the boomerang whizzed over their heads again and flew right into Zelda's.

The goblin lumberjacks burst into fits of laughter at her sad attempts to fight them off. On and on they laughed, Zelda's face burning red all the while. "Ki qeetle nanref bwah-ha hansh!" One of them declared. That really ticked Zelda off and laughing at her was enough in the first place. She whipped out the bow and arrows, remembering that they were there, and strung it faster than you could blink. She aimed it right in between the closest goblin's eyes. "Oh yeah? Can your grandma shoot better than me as well?" She asked, her tone unsually deadly. Swords and boomerangs were new to her, but bows and arrows were not. She knew how to shoot them and she was _good _at it.

Most of the goblins had stopped laughing by now, all except for one who didn't seem to think she was serious. He laughed and shook his big goblin butt at her, going "Nah-nahha-nah-nah!" and chuckling. There was a brief twang of the bow, and suddenly the goblin wasn't laughing anymore. His bulgey black eyes widened with horror when he realized their was an arrow sticking in his up-until-reccently-shaking tuchas. Another one shot by and knocked the trucker's cap right off his head.

"There are plenty more arrows to go around." She warned them as that one particular goblin ran off into the woods, clutching his bottom and crying. "And don't think just because there's many of you that I can't lodge an arrow into each of your hearts before you can even make a move." They didn't risk doubting her. Each goblin dropped his weapon and raised their hands in a sign of surrender. The leader goblin stepped forward.

"Jerr uou seppo vabocho," _(You may be an unexperinced fighter,)_ he said carefully, "Otte wertyuio asdfg zexcven et glippapoop. Kekelaisbilns. Yon le-lala!" _(But you have peserverance and fortitude. And you're a good shot with that bow. We'll give up.)_

"Good. And you'll also leave the Great Baka Tree alone?" It was more of an order than a question.

"Foo! Foo! Ceul dedaite tu-tus muchon!" _(Yes! Yes! Just lower your bow already!)_

"Do I have your word?" She asked, just to make sure. Who could say if they were lying or not? Goblins were infamous lairs.

"Yon cha-cha-cha mest golop!" _(We swear by your boots!)_

"Excellent." Finally, it was over. When a goblin swears by one's footwear, they will never break that vow. Zelda lowered her bow and smiled. Now that the goblins lumberjacks had surrendered and the fight was out of her, she was back to her normal self again. "Thank you for your cooperation. I'm glad we could settle this." She bowed her head. "And please tell your friend that I apologise for the arrow in his...behind." And with that, (former) Princess Zelda turned away from the goblins, very nonchalantly, and headed back to the Great Baka Tree with renewed exctiement. She had been victorious in her very first battle fought all by herself, and now she could find and claim that legendary treasure, defeat Ganendorf, save all of Hyrule, go on a great adventure, and rescue Prince Link. (But not necessarily in that order.) After it was all good and done, she could think about trying to change things back to their proper order.

If she was able to. It was possible that Zelda could not do anything about it. It was even more possible that she might end up _not wanting _to do anything about it...

_-Chapter One Fin-

* * *

_

A/N: Just imagine Zelda wearing a pink Link outfit. Now let's visulize Link wearing a dress. (Just kidding!) 

I know some of that was really out there, but do not fret, for all will be explained whenever this story comes to an end. But for now, just gritt your teeth and bear with it. Or maybe you liked it? (I hope so!) This wasalso my first attempt at a fight scene. If that's what you wanna call it...

About the Great Baka Tree: Although it's irrelevent to the games, I just had to use Baka for the forest spirit's name. It's Japanese for 'stupid'. So literally, he was being called the 'Great Stupid Tree'. My idea of a joke, eh heh.

I'm a liar. All that stuff 'bout the goblin lumberjacks was completely made up. Obviously. So if any of my readers are goblins, and this has offended you and your culture, please forgive me!

Now, bring on the flames! -cough- Chapter Two should be up soon, next weekend at the latest.


	3. The Value of a Rupee

**---Chapter Two---The Value of a Rupee---**

"Well, those goblin lumberjacks won't be bothering you anymore. It 's all taken care of."

"Ah, thank you Zelda! You're a life-saver! How can I ever repay you?"

Zelda gave him a look and the forest spirit blinked. "Oh! Oh yes, the legendary treasure! Of course, of course! You can go and get it right now."

"Right now?" She echoed, amazed. Was it somewhere here in the forest?

"Yes, yes, right now!" He boomed happily, "Step on in and help yourself!"

Zelda's jaw dropped to the floor along with the Great Tree's. He wanted her to go _in his mouth? _"Are you telling me," She said slowly, "That the legendary treasure...is inside you?"

"Uh-huh."

"And you couldn't mention this before?" She wasn't shouting, since shouting wasn't in her nature, but she was upset. He had the treasure with him- in him- this whole time! _Thanks a lot, you stupid tree!_

The Great Baka Tree rushled his branches in his way of a shrug. "Sorry. I needed your help. So now, to make it up to you..." He opened his mouth again. "Go on!"

She sighed. "Fine. All right. Just don't swallow me, okay?"

"Oh, never, never!" The Great Baka Tree sincerely agreed. She cautiously entered his mouth and went inside. He kept his mouth wide open as she did, so not to frighten her. At first everything was dark. But her eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light and swept across her surroundings. She frowned, rubbed them, and looked again. No, her eyes did not decieve her. The inside of the Baka Tree looked very similar to that of a temple.

She turned back and ducked her head out his mouth, seeing the forest. Then she glanced back in; temple. She kept looking back and forth between the two; trees, stone walls, trees, stone walls. "Wha..ahh..but how...?"

"Don't think about it too much." The Baka Tree advised, careful to keep his mouth open as he much as he could when he spoke. "Let's just say I hired a bad interrior decorator. Go on now, the treasure's in the back."

"Right..." Zelda muttered and made her way through the temple-ish inside of the Baka Tree, heading towards the back end. There wasn't much in there, just grey stone walls and stain glass windows that you couldn't see out of. Several seconds later, she reached the back and immediately saw the legendary treasure.

It was sticking up right on a small pedestal, all bright and shiny with an elaborate Triforce design gleaming in the dim light. The great power emitting from it seemed to pull her closer and closer, until her hands took hold of its hilt and jerked it free. Energy coursed through her and, caught up in the moment, Zelda raised the Master Sword high above her head with one hand and struck a heroic pose.

Then she lost her balance and dropped it on her foot.

------

"Geez, this thing's heavy. And hard to use."

"You'll just have to keep practicing then. I'm sure you will get the hang of it in no time!"

"Yeah right." Zelda swung the Master Sword once more, then jabbed into the ground and rubbed her arms. They ached soooo much! At least her foot was okay; when she dropped the sword earlier, it hit her hilt-down. Otherwise she might have been missing a toe or two.

Once her arms felt somewhat rested, she carefully lifted the sword and slid it into her new sheath. (Lucky her that it was lying inside the Great Baka Tree as well.) Unlike her previous, dinky sword, the Master Sword was _extremely _sharp and she knew that it definitely would _not _shatter on a goblin's head. Finally, she had a real weapon. Now she just needed to learn how to use it properly.

"Well, Baka Tree, it's been real nice. Thanks for the sword. I guess I better get going now. I have to get to..." She paused here, wondering just where she had to get to. "...to Ganondorf's fortress." Seemed reasonable enough, since she had to go there sometime or another.

"Of course, of course," the Baka said, "Ah, but do not forget: you'll need all four of his Gate Keys to get in."

_Good thing he mentioned that, _Zelda thought_, Or I would've never known._ She was about to thank him again but stopped and gave him a supisous look instead. "I don't suppose you might know where these Gate Keys are and want me to hunt goblins or something before you can tell me where, hm?"

The forest spirit laughed. "No, no, of course not. Actually, I have no idea where these Keys may be found, I'm afraid."

"That makes two of us then."

"True, true, but I have faith in you Zelda. You'll prevail in everything you do, I'm sure. Please feel free to come and visit me again. I much enjoy the company."

"Sure thing, Baka Tree." She said. Despite his manipulative ways and reiterated talk, she liked the forest spirit. Before leaving the forest clearing, she stopped and turned back to him. "Uh, Great Baka Tree...?"

"Yes?"

"Is this..he way things should be?" It was a vague and confusing question, if you didn't know what she was reffering to, and she didn't expect him to know. Yet he surprised her by answering, his voice now different somehow, not booming but smooth and soft. And kind of...familiar?

"Do not worry, princess," it said, giving her quite a start, "Everything is just right. You'll see."

------

Oddly enough, Zelda didn't worry about it. Although the whole situation was strange and confusing, she just couldn't be bothered about it anymore. It was as if she had suddenly become immune. Besides, she didn't have time to fret over strange situations; she had a kingdom to save. So the journey continued.

She was clear of the enchanted forest now, heading in the direction of the nearest town, Jehn. Zelda needed no map; she knew Hyrule like the back of her hand. Jehn was a river-side town, a good place to stock up on supplies, which she currently lacked. Besides the boomerang, in her pouch she only had an empty bottle, a couple of rupees, a half-eaten apple she didn't remember eating, and some type of weird beans. If she were to go up against the forces of evil, she had to be better prepared.

Just as the afternoon rolled around, Zelda came upon the town of Jehn. Multiple tiny stone buildings were squished together and lined up on both sides of the Arroz River. People were bustling to and fro, running errands, buying food, fishing, repairing roofs. Zelda walked through the town gate, her boots clopping on the cobblestone road, mixing in with the uneven beat of everyone else's footsteps around her. Looking over people's heads, she searched for a sign indicating a tradestore. A hanging plank of wood with the words "Tradestore" scrawled across caught her eye and seemed promising, so she took off towards that.

A bell tinkled softly as she swung open the door and stepped in. All sorts of wares for sale were piled up on shelves and on boxes, a price tag slapped on each one. Zelda went up to the front counter, where a large, brawny man with a scruffy beard welcomed her from behind. "Can I help you, miss?"

"Yes, thank you." She replied with a nod, "Let's see, I need one dozen arrows, three or so health potions, a hunk of cheese, a loaf of bread, a cartoon of Moo-moo milk, and a couple of bombs might come in handy too, so some of those please." The store owner collected the listed items and stacked them on the counter, checking to make sure he got it all, then adding up the total cost.

"That'll be two-hundred and sixty-two rupees, miss." He announced. With a frown, Zelda reached into her pouch and plunked down all the rupees she had.

"Will this be enough?"

The man stared at her, as if trying to decide whether she was joking or just stupid. She looked back at him uncertainly, then glanced at her four rupees on the counter with even more uncertainty. "Could I, uh, pay you back for this stuff later, maybe? That's all the money I have right now."

"I'm sorry miss, but no." said the man, a tinge of sympathy in his voice, "But what I can do is hold onto these for you, until you can scrape up enough money."

"Thanks. I'd appreciate that." She paused a moment, then asked, "Do you know how I might scrape enough money?" Zelda was used to always having money without ever really having to work for it, so this was a new thing for her.

"Sure, just go around and do some odd jobs." The store-keeper told her. "Actually, there's even a contest going on by the river today, if you wanna give that a try. Five-hundred rupee prize money, I hear."

Zelda grinned. "Sounds good to me."

------

It looked so easy.

It was a gliding contest. Everyone was given a special, giant leaf (generously donated by a certain talking tree) and had to jump off a platform above the river, using the leaf as something like a parachute to glide on down the river. Whoever made it farthest down the river the would win. Pretty simple, huh?

Zelda didn't hesitate. She signed up right away, received her gliding leaf, and got in line. She watched as, one by one, the people ahead of her climbed up the platform and took their turn in gliding. Leaf clutched tightly with both hands and thrust above their heads, they jumped off the platform and flew as far they could before hitting the water. At the very end, there was a lower platform where the winner would land, dry and victorious. So far, the farthest length gone was only halfway down the river. Zelda was confident that she could beat that and easily land on the winner's platform, no problem.

Finally, after watching countless people drop into the chilly water, it was her turn. She climbed up the ladder and onto the platform, readying her leaf and checking the wind. A nice breeze was blowing in the perfect direction for her glide. She stood at the very edge, lining herself up with the lower platform off in the distance, and took a deep breath. "Five-hundred ruppes, here I come!" Then, on the count of three, she made her jump.

_I'm flying! I'm-I'm actually flying! _She thought, gripping her leaf and grinning wildly. _The winner's platform! I'm almost there! I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna--_

------

"Hey, don't feel bad missy. Ya did well for yer first time. Here."

A soaking wet Zelda was ringing the water out of her ponytail. She happily took the towel offered to her by the contest offical and thanked him.

She failed miserably at the gliding contest. While she thought she almost made it to the winner's platform, it turns out that she only made it a third of the way down. She went so fast and lost altitude too quickly, thus driving right into the river. A ten-year old boy won the contest only a few minutes after her loss.

Now she needed a new way to earn some rupees. So she wandered about the town, asking various people if there were any odd jobs that she could do. A young girl pointed her in the direction of a Mrs. Jones' house, saying she heard the woman was in need of someone to baby-sit while she went to the market. Estatic, Zelda headed off to see Mrs. Jones. Baby-sitting, she could handle.

------

"I should only be gone for an hour or so."

"Okay, but Mrs. Jones-"

"Their supper is all ready prepared, so just feed them it whenever they get hungry."

"I'm not really sure if I can-"

"They like rough-housing around a bit, which is fine, but make sure they don't hurt each other or break anything."

"I really don't have experience with-"

"You all have fun with Zelda, my wittle sweet-ums. Don't give the girl any trouble. Mommy will be back soon." And then Mrs. Jones went, basket in hand, off for the market. Leaving Zelda behind to baby-sit her children.

The "children" being cuccos.

Seven little cuccos all stared at Zelda with their black beady eyes, as if watching her every move, making her feel very uncomfortable. What were they up to? Telling herself that she was being silly, Zelda took a seat by the fire and tried to relax. They were just stupid little birds. How much trouble could they be? It was probably harder to watch actual children than cuccos anyway. They weren't staring at her now, just hopping around the room mindlessly. Kooky Mrs. Jones had nothing to worry about.

"Do you guys know how good you taste fried?" She said with a laugh, thinking of the many fried cucco wings she eaten in the past years. "But you taste even better cooked in barbeque sauce."

The cuccos all stopped dead in their tracks and turned to glare at Zelda menacingly. They no longer looked brainless; they looked pissed. She gulped. "Ah, I was just j-joking." She hurriedly assured them. "You're all way too cute to eat, heh heh." They went back to their clucking, normal cuccos again, but Zelda could feel their eyes on her and shuddered.

------

Apparenty it was supper time. The cuccos were bouncing around madly, clucking to no end. Zelda pushed her way through the birds and into the kitchen. Sitting in the corner of the tiny room was a burlap bag filled to rim with their dinner, yellow cucco feed. "I bet it took Mrs. Jones all day to make this for you." She said sarcasticly to the birds. They were going wild now, jumping around her ankles in super-hyper-active mode. "Hold on a mintue, geez!" She tried to scoop some feed into a bowl for them, but the hunger-crazed cuccos kept getting under her feet. Sereval times she came close to being knocked over because of them. "Stop that! Dumb birds, you're getting my way! Move it!" They paid no heed to her orders. Now at her boiling point, the irritated Zelda lifted a booted foot and kicked the nearest cucco away.

That wasn't a smart move when cuccos were involved. Talk of frying them they could forgive, but kicking them... You didn't kick a cucco unless you had a death wish.

In a sudden burst of fury at the horrible act against their comrade, the remaining six cuccos launched an attack at Zelda. They bit at her legs, smacked her with their wings, and two even managed to fly up to her head and peck at her face. She swung blindly at them and had to resist pulling out the Master Sword to fight them off. Kicking them again would only worsen things, so poor Zelda was left defenseless to their feathery vengance.

In a last attempt to save herself, Zelda rushed into the bag of feed, sending its contents spilling onto the dirt floor. Instantly, the attacks ceased. Each cucco, including the one she kicked, zoomed over to the food and began to inhale it. Thankful that she was still in one piece, Zelda went back into the front room and slumped into the chair with a heavy sigh, leaving the demon-spawn to their supper.

------

"Aww, it's looks like you all had a good time together."

"I'm covered in bruises and cuts because your evilpyshco birds tried to kill me! It was _not _a _good _time!" That's what Zelda wanted to tell Mrs. Jones, but all she could do was nod. _Just pay me so I can leave,_ she thought wearily.

"Here you go, dear," Mrs. Jones said, reaching into her purse, "Now don't go spending it all in one day." Zelda looked at what Mrs. Jones paid her.

Five rupees and a peppermint.

"You did a great job, dear. I'd love to have you come back and baby-sit again sometime."

"Why thank you Mrs. Jones," Zelda said politely as she pocketed her rupees and left. When the door shut, she added sourly, "But I'd rather jump off a cliff."

------

Sitting by the road with her head on her drawn up knees, Zelda admitted defeat. She was terrible when it came to working. She would neverget enough money for the supplies.

A passerby saw her and stopped to see what was wrong. "Ya okay miss?" The people in this town sure were nice, if somewhat insane. Zelda looked up at the fisherman (he was carrying a fishing pole, so she assumed he was a fisherman) and gave him a shrug.

"Yeah, I guess. Just have some money troubles is all."

"Money trouble, eh? Well ah know how to fix that problem right up!"

"You do?"

"Yeh, ya can make some money easy. Just cut some grass and rupees wall pop up like worms in the rain!"

She blinked. "Really? Just by cutting grass?"

"Ah wouldn't lie to ya, miss. And if ya still need some more money, ya can always smash some pots up too. Those are fill'd with rupees."

"Uhh, is that legal?"

"Ah dunno, beats meh. But nobodys ever got in trouble for it yet, so dun ya worry 'bout it."

"Hmm...okay. I think I'll do that. Thanks a lot for the tips, sir."

And that's how the rest of her afternoon went, cutting grass and breaking randomly placedpottery. True to what the fisherman said, rupees did come out from it. Why they did, Zelda didn't know, but she didn't care either. Money was money and by the end of the day, she had more than enough rupees to purchase her supplies from the tradestore. Also, by using the Master Sword to cut the grass, she had honed her swordsman skills a little. (So if any future foes were of the plant-type variety, they were utterly doomed.) All in all, it was a good day.

Well...not really.

But Zelda had what she needed now and could finally start her journey for the four Gate Keys to Ganendorf's fortress. And it was going to be one wild and possibly sanity-threatning ride.

_--Chapter 2 Fin--

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_

A/N: And there you have it, the much delayed Chapter Two! I'm sorry it took so long; it was a busy week for me. To make up for it, it's a little longer than the pervious chapters. ;) 

Yes, the leaf gliding contest came from Wind Waker. And the loco cuccos were from Ocarina of Time. (I think you had to actually kill to a cucco to get them all to attack you, but whatever.) And of course, cutting grass in any Zelda game is always a sure way to earn rupees.

So now our princess knows what it's like to work for your money! What weird things will happen to her next? I dunno! I still have to write the next chapter! So stayed tuned for...-drumroll-...Chapter Three!


	4. I'm With Stupid

**---Chapter Three---I'm With Stupid---**

A six-foot tall yet very heavy set pig-man, complete with a snout and curly tail, was exiting the town, a crude club swinging from his rope-belt and five large paper brown bags full of groceries in his grubby arms, humming rather cheerfully as he went. Now there's something you don't see every day.

Heck, you probably don't see that _any _day.

But you aren't Zelda. She did see him. (It would be impossible not to, considering that he was wide enough to block out the entire view directly in front of her.) So naturally, she followed him. Pig-men aren't exactly common in populated towns, especially those right next to sparkling, clean rivers like Jehn, threatning good hygiene. And all the townsfolk were clearly avoiding him, quickly dispersing when he came near, as if he carried a plague. (Which he didn't, but he did carry a really bad stench that was equally as fatal.) With his out-of-place-ness and the reaction he recieved from others, he had to be one of Ganendorf's. Everything about him just screamed "henchman".

The pig-man left the town, much to its relief, and took the dirt road beyond it. Zelda was right on his heels. She pulled out her sword and very quietly snuck up behind him. Or she tried to, but very quietly sneaking was a slow process and he kept getting too far ahead of her. So she gave it up all together and just dashed right up to him, being as noisey as she needed to. Pig-man heard her of course, and would have turned around to face her if it hadn't been for that sharp tip of her sword that was currently on the back of his neck. It was just barely touching, not drawing blood but threatning to do so if he made the wrong move. With a gulp, Pig-man dropped his groceries and threw his arms up in surrender.

"Please don't hurt me!" He cried. Zelda lowered her sword and allowed him to face her. He looked around, puzzled. "Ey, uh, where'd he go?"

Zelda blinked. "Who?"

"That guy," said the Pig-man, "Who was just poking me with a sword."

"Right here!" Zelda waved the sword at her side. "That was me."

"But...you're uh, just a little girly." He looked around again, not convienced. Yet there was no one else on or near by the road. Just him and the little girly with the sword. He scratched his lumpy head, going "Hmmm..." and "Huuh, thinking it over until Zelda rolled her eyes and unmercily stomped on his foot.

"YEOWW!" In a very cliche manner, he grabbed his injured foot and hopped up and down on the other one. Then he realized that wasn't helping, so he stopped, and glared down at Zelda instead.

"Whatcha do that fer?" He demanded.

"So you're one of Ganendorf's lackeys, huh?" She said cooly in response, ingoring his question. The pig-man snorted, an actual pig-snort by the way, and leered at her.  
"What makes you think that, girly?"

"Well, you're part pig, obviously strong but not smart, and you're wearing a T-shirt that says 'I WORK FOR GANENDORF' on it."

Pig-man stopped pretending to be tough and sighed, defeated. "Yeah, you're right...whaddaya want from me?"

"Information, please. I need to know where Ganendorf's Gate Keys are, if it's not too much trouble." And to subtly remind him that it wouldn't be too much trouble, she lifted the Master Sword up, very near his snout, and pretended to check her hair in the blade's reflection. He took a step back and nodded vigorously.

"The Gate Keys...yeah, okay, no problemeo. See, there's four of dem," he held up three fingers to show her, "And the Bossman orignally had dem all with him, all the time. But then, the prince, when he was captured, he did this magic-thingy and scattered dem across Hyrule. I dunno why he did, but the Bossman wasn't very happy 'bout it, no siree."

So Ganendorf didn't have the Keys. Zelda suspected as much, but she had thought the idiot might have purposely let her get them, so he could battle her when she made it to his fortress. Which, in that case, he could have just open the Gate for her. But if what the henchman was saying was true, Ganendorf didn't mean to lose his Keys. Link scattered them, doing his small part to help Zelda.

"It's said that there's a Key in the North, East, South, and West in the kingdom, and that at least two of dem have been found by, uh, outside minons of the Bossman, who are a'guarding dem for him, see? They won't give dem up without 'o fight. And, uh, that's all I got, girly." He concluded.

Zelda digested all this thoughtfully. A Gate Key in each direction. She was already far up north, so one of them had to be near by. Wondering if it was in the possesion of one of the minons, she asked the Pig-man, "Do you know if any fiends in Ganendorf's employ dwell around here, possibly?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Well, what does "employ" mean?" he asked, making little air quotations with his fingers around _employ _as he said it.

"Someone who works for him."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, there's that witch lady who lives by the lake," he furrowed his brow as if he was deep in thought, "She works for the Bossman, but I wouldn't reccomend a'going there 'cause, uh, she's not too nice, see? Turn you into a frog or something."

"I think I can handle it, but thank you for your concern," Zelda replied. She found it strange how the Pig-man acted. Stupid, naturally, yet lacking the crude meaness most henchmen display. He answered her questions without much reluctance as well, which was quite uncommon for his type. Maybe because of this, or maybe because of her upbringing, Zelda's good manners kicked in and she bent over to pick up Pig-man's dropped groceries.

"Ey, you don't hafta do that, I'll get dem," he kindly protested as she stuffed various foods, drinks, and other necessities back into the five paper brown bags.

"No, no, I got it. It's my fualt you dropped them." Once she had everything put back in place nice and neatly, with the cold foods in one bag and the bread and eggs securely placed ontop the less fragile things, she managed to ask him why he was carrying groceries in the first place.

"Well, I'm in charge of restocking the fort. But I'm not too good at raiding villages, see? Lot easier to just go and buy supplies from the market. Don't take much effort and isn't as painful. But, uh, you won't tell anyone, will you girly? Not good for my reputation, know what I mean?"

After assuring him that none would ever be the wiser, they went their separate ways, Zelda heading to the Witch's House and Pig-man off to where ever he was going, most likely the Fortress. Zelda unfortunately forgot to tell the Pig-man that he would have more to worry about than his reputation if his Bossman found out that he readily supplied information to their enemy. This was also unfortunate for her too, because if the henchman mentioned his encounter with a pink-garbed hero, Ganendorf would know where was she at and what she was up to. Realizing this too late, Zelda could only pray that Pig-man's peanut-sized brain would keep up the good work of not thinking and continue on her way.

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**A/N: **Wowie, it's been a while since I last updated the story! But now I'm on Christmas Break, so I got some free time. I guess you could call this chapter a filler, since it was so short and all. But the next chapter should be up sometime this week. Maybe. If I stop being lazy for a while and actually get something done. -grin- 

_Since there's not too many and I have some extra time, I decided to responded to some of the reviews! Yay!_

**Twisted Mackeral: **Thank you. Yes, bloody gore isn't really my thing, (I just can't stomach it) but there will be at least one or two other fight scenes, hopefully better than the first one.

**Bridsta05: **I'm glad you like my story, but please, no plugs.

**Paige Fox:** Link might look good in a dress. xD I say weird stuff too...

**Lizai, Magic, IkibanMythic: **Pwhee, I'm flattered! Thankies!

**Ri2:** Yeah, big inflation problem. That's why everything is so ridiculously high-priced in Hyrule. :)

* * *

Oh hey, what's this? A preview for chapter four? No kidding! 

_Chapter Four---Evil Wears Yellow---PREVIEW!_

What would Link do?

Zelda was asking herself this a lot lately. She was even thinking of getting 'WWLD?' put on a bracelet, make it her new motto. But seriously, what _would _Link do? Would he storm the building, battle the evil witch, and claim the Gate Key in his victory? Would he wait until nightfall, sneak in from the roof, and steal it right from under the witch's nose? Would he go up to the front door, knock politely, and just straight-out ask the witch for it, like Zelda was doing now because she couldn't think of anything else?

Probably not that last one. She made a note to ask him later.


	5. Evil Wears Yellow

**---Chapter Three---Evil Wears Yellow---**

The beautiful, clear water of the Arroz River was no more as it fed into the swampy gunk of Muck Lake. There the water was a nasty green color, thick and even bubbling sometimes, like a horrible caldruon of vile muck in which the lake got its name. Looking at it, and not getting a reflection back because of all the slime, Zelda wondered if any fish lived in it. It didn't seem likely, unless they were mutant fish. At the far side of this lake was the Witch's house. It appeared to be more of a tower type-thing than a house, but not a tall tower, only about three stories high. Strangely enough though, it wasn't covered in thorny vines or looming evilly or threatning a magicked doom. In fact, it didn't look forbidding at all. It was just a straight, grey stone tower, and it looked a lot nicer than the lake in front of it did. The witch resided there and most likely had a Gate key with her. Zelda approached it slowly, slowly because she didn't have a plan yet.

What would Link do?

Zelda was asking herself this a lot lately. She was even thinking of getting 'WWLD?' put on a bracelet, make it her new motto. But seriously, what _would _Link do? Would he storm the building, battle the evil witch, and claim the Gate Key in his victory? Would he wait until nightfall, sneak in from the roof, and steal it right from under the witch's nose? Would he go up to the front door, knock politely, and just straight-out ask the witch for it, like Zelda was doing now because she couldn't think of anything else?

Probably not that last one. She made a note to ask him later.

There was a shuffling of feet as the knock reverberated through the tower-house and an annoyed voice called from behind the wooden door, "I don't want any! Go away now or join your pals in the lake!" A little daunted by this, Zelda hesitated before knocking again. The witch threw the door open. "That's it! I warned you and now you are going to-" She paused, examined Zelda, then said in a much kinder tone, "Why, you aren't a Gal Ranger, are you? I'm terribly sorry. It's just that those little girls have been trying to sell me chocolate all week, and it's gotten on my nerves. I do love Gal Ranger Chocolate but it's so high in calories, not good for my figure at all."

Zelda was speechless. Not because Gal Ranger Chocolate was high in calories, she already knew that of course, but because the witch was so...beautiful. She looked the exact oppisite of a witch. Wasn't old, wasn't ugly, wasn't green! No, this woman was gorgeous. Drop-dead gorgeous. Movie star gorgeous, if Hyrule had movie stars to make that comparison with. Zelda was completely caught off guard; she had been expecting some evil hag. And not only wasn't this woman a hag, she didn't appear evil either. Perhaps it's just hard to appear evil when you're dressed head to toe in bright yellow. A slick yellow dress with shiny yellow squeins, a yellow boa draped over her shouldes, yellow necklaces, yellow gloves, yellow high heeled shoes, yellow fish-net stockings, yellow earings, yellow fingernails, even yellow eyeshadow and yellow lipstick applied to her face. Her full, lucious hair wasn't yellow; it was fire-truck red, but she had it pinned up with yellow hairpins to make up for it. On anyone else, this overload of yellow would make them look like a gaint banana, but the witch could somehow pull it off and look wonderful.

"Well, are you just going to stand there?"

"Huh?" Zelda blinked.

"I invited you in, hon. For some tea?"

"Oh. Right. Um, thank you." She nodded and followed the gorgeous, yellow witch into the tower-house. For the second time that day, Zelda was surprised by the un-witchiness of the situation. The place looked like any middle class house would look; snug chair by the fireplace, pictures on the walls, books neatly organized on shelves, cute little coffe table with matching chairs ontop a large rug decorated with flowers...where were the strange concoctions, the hissing black cats, the flying broomsticks, the eyes of newt and lizzard gizzards?

"Something wrong, dearie?" asked the witch, sounding worried, not offended.

"Oh, no, not all at." she lied, and not convincingly. The witch cocked her head and waited. "Well, it's just- this isn't what I was expecting," Zelda admitted.

"Which was what?"

"I dunno. You wear a lot of yellow, not black..."

"Ah, so stero-typical. Not all us witches are like that, sweetie," she sniffed, "And besides, yellow is in."

She motioned for Zelda to take a seat and began pouring tea -low fat tea- using Fine China cups and saucers. She took a chair across from Zelda and offered her a cup. "There you go, Miss Zelda." Zelda, who had just taken a sip (and without checking to see if it was posion or not), nearly choked as she swallowed.

"Agh...uh, h-how," she coughed, then cleared her throat, "how do you know my name?"

"Why Lord Ganendorf told me, of course. A young, blonde hero dressed in pink, called Zelda, searching for the Gate Keys. It's quite obivous who you are, hon. Oh my, I haven't introduced myself yet, have I? How awful of me. My name is Reeli Eveille."

"Really evil?" Zelda asked, dumbfounded and confused. Her mind was going at an unusally slow pace right now, still sending the message to her that she was sitting there having tea with an enemy.

"Yes, Reeli Eveille. Such a pleasure to finally meet you, dearie."

"M'hm." Zelda took another sip of her tea and stared down at her cup, thinking. She ran through everything she knew so far: Reeli Eveille, witch, works for Ganendorf, has Gate Key, has manners, wears blinding yellow, foe not friend, but man, this tea is sooo good... She shook her head, put the tempting tea on the table, and stood up.

"Thank you for your hospitality, Ms. Eveille," she said, "But I'm on a mission here and I'm going to have to ask you to hand over the Gate Key, or else."

Ms. Eveille just went on sipping her tea, and as if they were discussing the weather, asked, "Or else what?"

"Or else-" Zelda faltered, "Or else I'll take it from you by force?" She finished lamely. The witch now stopped drinking her tea now and stood up too, only she took the time to push her chair in first.

"Now, now, I just can't give it to you. What will you give me in return?"

This was unexpected, which seemed to be right, since everything else about this encounter with the witch was unexpected. A trade-off sounded way better than a battle, Zelda mused, but what could she possibly give her? Her voice? No, she didn't have much of a singing voice. Her beauty? Pfft, compared to the witch, Zelda was about as pretty as troll. Her youth? Now that one was feasible, since weren't witches always stealing the youth of other to live longer or something? She shuddered at the thought; Zelda liked being young!

"-simply marvelous, I must say. So how about it? You don't really need it, honestly, and it will-"

"NOOO!" Zelda cried, jumping back a step and drawing her sword, "You can't have my youth! I don't want to be old yet! I don't want wrinkles and back pains and-"

"Calm down, child!" Eveille shouted, and Zelda instantly shut up. "I do not want your youth," Zelda let out a sigh of relief, "I just want all your beautiful, golden yellow hair." Zelda sucked her sigh back in and stiffened.

"NOOO!" She cried, "Not my hair! I don't want to be bald!"

"It will grow back!" argued the witch, "Besides, you have your hat to cover it until then!"

"But do you know how hard it was to grow it this long? It will take years to get it like this again!" She crossed her arms in defience. "No deal. You can't have it."

But the witch wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. She already had out a pair of clippers (from where or when she got them, Zelda didn't know), and was stepping closer and closer, no longer so gorgeous but more crazy looking.

"Look here, how 'bout I let you have a few inches off the bottom? Hm?" With each step forward from the witch, Zelda took a step back.

"That won't do, sweetie, I want it all! All that brillant yellow! I must have it all!"

_What a lunatic!_ Zelda thought. Something hard and solid was at her back now and she realized with horror that it was the wall. She was trapped. "It's not really a b-brillant yellow," she stammered, "In fact, I'm actually a brunette! Yeah, see, I j-just dyed my hair so really it's not yellow at all!" It was no use. Reeli Eveille was right in front of her now, the clippers held high on the climax of executing the poor, blonde locks of Zelda's hair. In a last attempt to save herself, she closed her eyes and flung up her sword, hoping to knock the sharp things out of the witch's hand. She shouldn't have closed her eyes though. There was a sickening slash, a shriek from Eveille, then a loud thud. Zelda got a horrible sinking feeling that she missed. She cracked open an eye and nearly fainted, for on the wooden floorboards lay a left arm, the limp hand still clutching the clippers.

As she was about to turn away and lose the contents of her stomach, she noticed something odd about the arm she accidently severed off. There was no blood, no hint of a bone, and it almost seemed hollow. Like it wasn't a real arm. With more curiousty than actual courage, Zelda turned to look at the witch.

Where her left arm used to be was now what appeared to be a hole. And once again, there was no blood or bone. Just the hole. Except now, something was _wiggling_ out from it. It was...a tentacle! Zelda's eyes bulged while the witch just merely fumed, waiting impatiently for the rest of her real arm -the tentacle- to show. "Well, there's no need for false pretenses anymore." She grumbled, and before Zelda could ask her what she meant, the witch's green tentacle coiled around her right arm and ripped it off. Apparently also fake, and another green tentacle appeared.

"Happy now?" She barked at Zelda, who stared blankly in return, "I'm part octopous, alright? Green and yellow clash, so I used magic to make fake human arms for myself."

"Ooookay," Zelda shrugged, not knowing what she was supposed to do, "Sorry to hear that. I guess."

"Oh, you will be sorry! Because now I'm going to have your hair _and _keep the Gate Key! Actually, I wasn't going to give to the Key in the first place, even if you did give me your hair, but that's not the point!" Holding a pair of huge hedge clippers this time (Zelda still didn't know where they came from, all of a sudden) with both tentacles, the witch rushed at her. "Come to me, my pretty! I will have that yellow hair, even if I have to kill you for it!"

---------

Three mysterious figures stood looking into a large, round glass that hung like a window in front of them. Only instead of seeing through it to whatever lay outside, they saw Zelda and the witch battling it out, every sight, sound, and detail perfectly reflected to them. This magical looking glass acted like a TV so they could keep tabs on Zelda's adventure.

The tallest figure rolled its eyes and said, "First goblin lumberjacks, now this? A crazy octopus-witch obessed with all things yellow and will kill for hair? Really, this sounds like a cheesy horror story you'd tell around a campfire. Couldn't you've come up with something better?"

"Hey, it's not my fault," said the figure at the right of the tall one, "The witch started out normal but our princess here has an overactive imagination. Nothing I can do about it."

The figure in between the other two laughed. "Come on, this is some good stuff. Better than cable!"

"Stop doing that!" snapped the tall one, "Cable doesn't exsist in this world and you very well know that. And this," she pointed to the scene in the glass, where Zelda was trying to ward off magical yellow fireballs and flying hedge clippers from the witch, "This is not "good stuff". This is awful! So _I_ get to make the next boss for her to battle, got it? You two will just screw it up."

"Too late! I already called dibs on the next one," said the figure on the right.

"Fine then, I get the one after that!"

"Whaaat-ever," replied the other figure. All three of them stopped bickering long enough to return to the matter at hand. On the looking glass, they watched as the witch grabbed Zelda with her tentacles and flung her right through the wall.

"Ouch," the figures said in unison.

---------

Zelda choose to ignore the fact that she had just been thrown through a solid stone wall and survived. She should had hit it, broke every bone in her body, then crumple to floor like a ragdoll. Instead she left a Zelda-sized hole in the wall, flew outside, and luckily landed in Muck Lake. (Or maybe not so luckily, considering that it was _Muck _Lake.) Her backside ached a little bit and she felt terrible, like she had, well, like she had been thrown through a stone wall. But nothing was broken and she was still in one piece, despite the fact that she shouldn't be.

As she sank under the gross water, worrying about losing her sword (which she dropped right before going through the wall) amoung all things, something poked into her sore back. She reached behind her, grabbed the unknown object, and pushed her feet against the lake's bottom. She zoomed upwards and broke though the grimey surface, gasping for the air. The witch was peering down at her in disgust, her tentacles at her hips. "Ugh, now your hair is covered in green slime. I hope I'll be able to wash it all out."

Zelda was at a loss. She weaponless and didn't have a clue on how to defeat Reeli Eveille. Where was the little sidekick to drop her hints when she needed one? Remembering the thing in her hand, she gave a quick glance at it. It was a round, good sized rock, plain and normal as far as rocks go. She glanced back at the witch, who was nearing with the hedge clippers. _Well, it wouldn't hurt to try_, she thought, and with all the might she could currently muster, she threw the rock at the witch.

It hit her square on the forehead, then bounced off to the side. She blinked once, shrugged, and went ahead with the hedge clippers. But only for about a second or so, because she came to a sudden halt and dropped them, her body turning smokey and translucent.

"Nooooo," she screamed, "I'm evaporating! I'm evapooorating! Ahhughhh!"

And then she was gone, very literally vanished into thin air.

Zelda gaped. It actually worked! Throwing a single rock at a witch made that witch evaporate, according to this story she once heard at a campfire, and it had actually worked! It was a shame she had to celebrate her victory covered in gunk, but much to her surprise, the lake wasn't gunky, slimey, swampy, or gross anymore. All the muck drained away at the defeat of the witch and was now crystal clear! Zelda washed all the muck off, watched as it was purified into clean water in the new and improved lake, and then hoisted herself out to dry in the sunshine.

Laying in the spot where the witch last stood, next to the dreadful hedge clippers, was a Gate Key. Black and twisted, it was a bit big for a door key, but it wasn't a door key, it was a Gate Key, so what did size matter? Zelda looked at it for only minute before shoving it into her pouch. She proceeded back into the tower-house to reclaim her sword. She found a box of Gal Ranger Chocolate there, probably uncovered during the struggle with the witch. Despite the calories, she helped herself to what chocolate was left, grabbed her sword, then left the house and the lake without so much as a backwards glance. She almost felt sorry for Reeli Eveille, the yellow-loving, pyscho witch who was now dead -or maybe not dead, per say, but a bunch of gas molecules at the least- because of her.

"But she was _really _evil," Zelda reminded herself, and couldn't be bothered with guilt any longer. She lived, she won, and she finally had a Gate Key!

One down, three more to go.

* * *

**A/N: **That was weird, wasn't it? Woo, that's what happens when you're full of sugar and caffeine, yup-yup!

Have a Happy New Year everyone, and please excuse the stupidity of my story! Yay, go 2006!


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